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Hello My Name Is Distance
C, Ramsey
started 2003, finished 2015



Hello my name is distance
and I don't wanna live anymore.
I don't wanna live in a tidal wave of misery and hell.

I life so cold, so black, so broken
no amount of fire, paint, or duct tape can mend it back together.

I stand each day
waiting for something to end
something or someone to catch me when I'm beaten down.

Nothing...
No one...

The daily grind of hate filled words
faggot, freak, retard.
anger filled fists
that pound my face into the ground, toilets, dirt, and even though a window.

I hide this all, I hide it all from everyone
my scars, my bruises, my hell.

I hide it because I know the results
"Stand up for yourself"
"Fight back"

They don't understand you can't stand with broken legs.
take the boy with broken legs crutches out from under his arms.

You expect him to stand
when he is beaten to a bloody mess
You expect him to stand
You take his confused mind and tell him he's an abomination, that god hates him
You expect him to stand
You treat him differently for his whole life and never tell him WHY?
You expect him to stand
You never tell him the truth of his origins and his mental disorder?
YOU EXPECT HIM TO FUCKING STAND.

I was 13 years old when I first wrote this, I felt wrong for saying the word Fuck.
Now looking back I should have said the word Fuck a lot more in my vocabulary because if the word Fuck helped me get the point across or helped me survive the hell I lived though I wish my younger self would have said Fuck tell the cows come home.

Its all fine though, In the split of a second with the shot of a gun, it will be all over.
I will never have to live such a horrid life ever again.

In a flash its over.
I still remain though, no body, no figure just ME.
Why didn't I move on? I don't believe in heaven or hell, is this what happens when you die?
Your forced into an existence of watching the world go by without you.

I see the results, I see tears, and horror from my family. Immediately its the blame game.
Blame video games
Blame television
Blame my online friendships
Blame the internet

never once was the blame put on what really caused my death.
My death was nothing special, no news stories covered it, just another nameless victim of a flawed and broken system.

As I sit on my cloud watching the world go by without me, I hear a voice. Its distant, and faint.
I follow it having a feeling I should, it was halfway across the country.

The trip was long but it doesn't matter seeing as without a body you have no use for "time".

I found the voice and pinpointed its origin.
It was an online friend of mine, I never seen his face, never knew his real name, never knew where he lived.

this person who had nothing to do with my physical life was mourning my death, even harder then some of my family did.

He cried out "GOD WHY?! WHY DID YOU TAKE HIM FROM US?"
At that point i hear other cries, I heard at least 100...
All were the same damning god for taking me away.

I see my funeral, I see one person there I didn't know among others, he was grieving by himself, He was a friend I meet online, just a few weeks before I died. He traveled across the country to be at my funeral, I knew he wasn't good financially so this act shocked me.

Did I really have such an impact? I hear another voice this one sounded from above "Wake Up!"
I felt it was a sign to move on so I ascended to the clouds
"WAKE UP!"
The voice got louder.
"WAKE UP!!"
Until I couldn't stand it
"WAKE UP!!!!"

I awoke in my bedroom, The dark light room with white walls, messy floor, and tv on my Daytime tv show I loved.

I went to the bathroom and washed my face thinking to myself.
That was a crazy dream, or was it a warning?
I didn't know, I looked at myself in the mirror and said.

Hello My Name Is Distance,
And I will change the world someday!
Hello My Name Is Distance...
This poem started out in 2003, when after certain traumatic events I didn't want to live anymore. What would eventually become this poem was my suicide note. After I came to my senses and didn't want to end my life anymore I hid it away, to not remind me of what happened. To erase it from my memory.

I recently read some works by Shane Koyczan and upon finding the old suicide note by chance I felt motivated. Motivated to turn a dark end of life goodbye into a form of literary hope.

Never give in, Never give up, Rise against it all, It is worth it in the end, You will change this world. If you or anyone you know is considering ending your lives, please talk to someone, if you have no-one contact the Suicide Prevention Hotline
1 (800) 273-8255
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Your never alone and even if no one else in the world does please remember that I love you! <3
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A propect for a cause (Calling all Artists)

Journal Entry: Mon Apr 27, 2015, 4:26 PM
Many of you don't know this but I started up and plan to use a daily blog. The blog's posts may just be random stuff out of nowhere but occasionally I think I will have posts on topics of importance, mostly pertaining to things related to autism. I would like to have those posts be accompanied by a drawing depicting the message/theme of the post using my OC Andrew (you can see him drew by my bro here Birthday Gift: cmr-1990 by Neloku )

I don't yet know how often such topics will be but I would like to have artists ready to assist me if needed (I would give them plenty of time warning to do the art) It is also a chance for artists to be promoted in other mediums such as the blog (and other blogs that repost it), here on DA (via my own posts on the subjects), and YouTube (for ones I wanna make a video out of).

If your interested doing artwork private message me so we can discuss contact details.

Of if you have suggestions for topics I should address let me know :)

later peeps
~cmr

  • Mood: Hungry
  • Listening to: Rise Against
  • Eating: Mac n' Cheese
  • Drinking: Pepsi (Caffieen Free)
I'm not dead, I will do more stuff here sometime down the line.

dealing with a lot of really heavy and heartbreaking stuff right now...

*hugs
~cmr
Official 2015 L-2 Series Helmet by cmr-1990
Official 2015 L-2 Series Helmet
my official helmet for the 2015 L-2 Series, I will only be competing in Support and testing events so don't expect a variety of helmets this season.
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cmr-1990

Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
:iconcommissionsopen: :iconpointcommissionsopen: :iconrequestfriendsonly: :icongiftsfriendsonly: :iconarttradesfriendsonly: :iconcollabsfriendsonly: :iconnokiribans:

Before asking for artwork via Commissions, P. Commissions, or requests.
please keep in mind that i do NOT draw the following:
Explicit Nudity
Diapers
Gore/ Scat
Bondage
Animal features (cat ears, dog tails, ect.)
Animals

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I am a freelance Writer as well as an artist!!
don't mind commenting or favorit'ng my work it makes me so happy :)

"A Writer is never done Writing, like a collector is never done Collecting. We Write what we think is the best peace of work until something is pointed out to us. Then we make one change. Before we know it we We-write, over and over again. For what reason? did we not like our work before? No its the fact that new cracks show up in our work, and it is our job as writers to find these cracks and fix them! That is why A writer's work is never finished"
Quote by Cory m. Ramsey
5-13-2011
my plz accounts use whenever/ wherever you want!!
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Current Residence: ohio
Favourite genre of music: Rock and metal, i will listen and enjoy any music (exct. Rap, and Country)
Operating System: Windows 7
MP3 player of choice: Phillips Go Gear
Favourite cartoon character: Ryan McEvan
Personal Quote: "Forget about the past, live for today, Dream for tomorrow"
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A propect for a cause (Calling all Artists)

Journal Entry: Mon Apr 27, 2015, 4:26 PM
Many of you don't know this but I started up and plan to use a daily blog. The blog's posts may just be random stuff out of nowhere but occasionally I think I will have posts on topics of importance, mostly pertaining to things related to autism. I would like to have those posts be accompanied by a drawing depicting the message/theme of the post using my OC Andrew (you can see him drew by my bro here Birthday Gift: cmr-1990 by Neloku )

I don't yet know how often such topics will be but I would like to have artists ready to assist me if needed (I would give them plenty of time warning to do the art) It is also a chance for artists to be promoted in other mediums such as the blog (and other blogs that repost it), here on DA (via my own posts on the subjects), and YouTube (for ones I wanna make a video out of).

If your interested doing artwork private message me so we can discuss contact details.

Of if you have suggestions for topics I should address let me know :)

later peeps
~cmr

  • Mood: Hungry
  • Listening to: Rise Against
  • Eating: Mac n' Cheese
  • Drinking: Pepsi (Caffieen Free)

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someday i hope to buy these ^^

Comments


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:iconkawaiimiu:
kawaiimiu Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014  Student Digital Artist
thank you for the :+fav: :love:
Reply
:iconcmr-1990:
cmr-1990 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
NP :3
Reply
:iconmrpopopls:
MrPoPoPls Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2013
Hey, don't forget about your brothers birthday
Reply
:iconcmr-1990:
cmr-1990 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
ohhhhhhhhh yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I won't ^___^
Reply
:iconmrpopopls:
MrPoPoPls Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2013
Yea
Reply
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